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Thursday, April 5, 2012

Via Crucis

Hello there!
Happy Holy week to you. Sorry for leaving the sonnets up there for so long.

If you are in Denver, perhaps you'll have a chance this week (or month) to visit an art show called Via Crucis (Way of the Cross) that is being held at Now Artspace on Tennyson St. (Link:Via Crucis)

It is a modern representation of the stations of the cross and the grand opening is tomorrow night. I have created a painting for Station 14: Jesus is buried.
It's based on photos from friends that were in Haiti after the 2010 earthquake. Here is a quick preview.

Jesus is Buried, Acrylic on Canvas, 30"x40"

When I though about what it meant for Jesus' followers to bury Him that terrible friday, the words that came to mind were: devastation, catastrophe, unimaginable loss and hopelessness. They did not know that Sunday morning would dawn with the Son of glory back in their midsts. 
I felt that the survivors of the Haitian earthquake felt much the same thing. Their world had collapsed and yet, they were left behind trying to pick up the pieces. I tried to capture the varying responses to tragedy: overwhelming sorrow, despondency and shock, confused sadness, and insufficient attempts to make things better.

The proceeds of this painting will go towards the continuing work of my friends and their church to help the people of Haiti recover from this tragedy.



Thursday, March 8, 2012

Move over, Jon Donne!

Not really. Not even close. But I was looking through some old sketchbooks and found these sonnets I wrote a long time ago.

I know. Sonnets. Iambic pentameter and all. I suppose this reveals something about what I do with my free time.

Anyway, here they are. They are not good poetry, but the insights surprised me a little bit.  (And a warning, they have a lot of O's and thy's and whatnot. I forgot what century I belonged too.)

Shadow Man, Shadow Woman

O shadow man where lies your weary soul?
Thy lady veiled awaits a fallen mask,
So Truth may speak and honest question ask
Sans repercussive fears in heart to toll.
O shadow woman, awkward as a foal, 
Release thy timid steps to canter free.
'Neath shroud, thy form your suitor cannot see,
Or tread the path which light does not extol
O son and daughter, Eden's offspring cursed,
A barricade of shame doth separate,
And sinful wounds with arrows prick pure love,
Each slung by minds askew with lies well nursed.
O Rescuer, redeem our wretched fate! 
Unite and Cleanse, O Father, Son and Dove!

(Didn't I warn you about the language? But it does have some truth in it. )

Isolation

Why, Jack, do mumbles fall across your lips
And dribble down your bristled, unshorn  beard?
Among your tombs, a mind encased, afeared;
You dwell alone, with phobos your thoughts drip.
What brought you to this sorry, unwashed state,
Where reason left a vacant room inside?
In living death your broken soul resides.
Innert to love, true joys no longer wait.
What can I do? Though you my neighbor be,
Sufficient word or deed remains unknown.
Your shroud no human work can sure remove, 
No earthly salve can make your blind eye see.
But in the darkness, you walk not alone.
I pray your freedom by His perfect love.

(I think I was hoping to bring back the word "shroud" into everyday language. Every good sonnet needs a shroud.)

This one was literally for an old, senile neighbor of mine. I think he might have been a Vietnam Vet. No electricity, no running water, a house overgrown with weeds and dead wood.  His property abutted a beautiful estate where I worked. The contrast was remarkable. He was a difficult man. Obviously I was at a loss at how to love him well.

So there you go. God alone can reconcile the sexes, and prayerfully hope for your neighbor's redemption, no matter how far gone he is.

...And remember to include 'shroud' in a few of your sonnets.


Thursday, February 23, 2012

No, I'm not Tina Turner.


When I was six years old, I went to a party for a young friend. In my little party-favor bag was a keychain that proclaimed,
"No, I'm not Tina Turner". This was quite a thoughtful gift because, as you can see from these pictures, many people were mistaking me for Tina Turner, and the keychain would help set them to rights.  
Tina Turner, circa 1984
Beth, age 6 
It was on my house key for years, drawing awkward stares from people who had no intention of confusing me with Tina Turner. 

I was reminded of my honest keychain recently, and it has me thinking about mistaken identity (perhaps of a more believable nature).

I attend an art class for adults. The teacher is a very dear woman, but she has this crazy notion that I am very sophisticated and elegant.  I wonder how her opinion might change if she saw me rushing out the door in the morning, dropping my egg and toast on the patio, picking it up, brushing it off, and eating it anyway. Appearances can be so deceiving.

My husband and I often joke about the proverbial "hall pass" given to those who look like they have it together. If you look squeaky clean and well kept, many will assume that you have got your life in order. On the other hand, those who are a little rough around the edges, have the "wrong" skin or hair, wrong clothes, carry a few extra pounds... well, good luck to them. 
"It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."  Antoine de Saint-Exupery
But who truly sees with the heart? Who is it that knows us rightly? Who are we, really? 

For those who celebrate Lent, Ash Wednesday was yesterday, and my husband and I went to a night service.  I love these forty days, culminating in the passion week and Resurrection. On Ash Wednesday, Lent begins with the reminder that we are dust, destined to experience death, caught by the curse of sin.

I went forward and received my mark, a cross of ashes on my forehead. The missteps of the week flooded my mind. All these petty, angry, selfish, fearful thoughts and actions played out before me.   Even the good deeds were tinged with pride and self-congratulation.  A slew of failures.

So this is who I am. Dust and Ashes. A piece of clay, full of cracks. 

But the Cross. It is a cross of ashes, a cross for ashes. The cross to save us... because make no mistake, we need saving. We are a compendium of private and public failures, trapped by inevitable death. 

The Cross for ashes. The great love symbol. The symbol of the One who sees with the heart, knows us completely, and loves us anyway.

So this is who I am. Beloved. Sought after. Saved by gracious love.

I place myself beneath the cross, a beggar with nothing to offer, so that I may be filled with Love again. And perhaps then this ash and clay, full of cracks, will show God's glory. 
"But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us." 2 Corinthians 4:7 
I think it's safe to say that no one will ever mistake me for Tina Turner, but maybe, on a very good day, when I have surrendered afresh, someone will see my cracks and mistake me for Christ. 

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Meditation Exercise: A Testament

This reflection was created by a Jesuit from India named Anthony De Mello. It's intended to help us live more reflectively. I think it's worth doing with people we care about, a spouse, sibling, friend... And it's worth doing between ourselves and God, to take stock of who we have been, and who we are now. Perhaps you can take a moment, and think about one or two of the "points" listed below. 

A Testament

I imagine that today I am to die.
I ask for time to be alone and write down for my friends a sort of testament.  The following points could serve as chapter titles.

1. These things I have loved in life:
    Things I tasted,
    looked at,
    smelled,
    heard,
    touched.

2.  These experiences I have cherished:

3. These ideas have brought me liberation:

4. These beliefs I have outgrown:

5. These convictions I have lived by:

6. These are things I have lived for:

7. These insights I have gained in the school of life:
    Insights into God,
    the world,
    human nature,
    Jesus Christ,
    love,
    religion,
    prayer.

8. These risks I took,
            these dangers I courted:

9. These sufferings have seasoned me:

10. These lessons life has taught me:

11. These influences have shaped my life
            (persons, occupations, books, events):

12. These scripture texts have lit my path:

13. These things I regret about my life:

14. These are my life's achievements:

15. These people are enshrined within my heart:

16. These are my unfulfilled desires:

I choose an ending for this document:
       a poem-- my own or someone else's;
       or a prayer;
       a sketch or a picture from a magazine;
       a scripture text;
       or anything that I judge would be an apt conclusion to my testament.


 (taken from Hearts on Fire: Praying with the Jesuits)




Thursday, February 2, 2012

Got an Anxious on your back?

My Anxious
It is so easy to acquire an Anxious. All you need is something to worry about, an unknown with some negative possibilities attached, and presto! An Anxious can be yours.

I made mine fuzzy purple and green. Although cutely muppet-like, make no mistake, it is heavy. And it hangs on.

It thinks it's so welcome because of all those dire circumstances. It makes itself at home on my forehead when I try to go to sleep. It tags along in the car, reminding me that there could be dark clouds on the horizon.  It sits with me over tea, categorizing all the ways that something bad can happen. Its favorite phrase is "What if..?", but never with a nice outcome.

It really is a nuisance, this Anxious.

I know that for some folks, an Anxious is the result of a little faulty brain chemistry, eased quickly with a bit of medical help.

But my Anxious capitalizes on another faulty brain system: my memory.  I am so forgetful sometimes.  I forget that I am on a journey with a very good God, who loves me better than anyone else ever could. I forget that my big Father knows what is good for me and had made certain promises to me, like "I will never leave you or forsake you...I will help you, I will strengthen you, I will hold you up with my righteous right hand... I will work out all things for the good of those who love me... Every good and perfect gift comes from me.... I am your refuge, and nothing can separate you from my love."

When storm clouds start their ominous rumble, I forget all these true things.  I also forget that this Savior-Friend of mine has a track record of faithfulness. Even when my life has been horrible, he finds a way to make something beautiful. He has always provided for me. He's always taught me something new and important. He's never let me down... but I forget.

I forget all those things and the Anxious seizes an opportunity to latch on to my cable-knit for a ride.

I suppose I'm a slow learner. What was it that all those old testament prophets and patriarchs always said? Remember... Remember how your clothing and shoes did not wear out? Remember that sea, parting for your freedom when you thought all was lost?  Remember the child, promised and delivered in old age? Remember?  What was it that those New Testament disciples kept proclaiming? Remember... Remember how he fed 5000 people with so little food? Remember how he healed that woman, stopping to listen to her history of woe? Remember Lazarus coming out of that tomb? Remember "It is finished!" and "I have overcome the world"? Remember?

But if I really want to get the Anxious off my back, I have to do more than remember.  I have to trust. Trust that He who began a good work will bring it to completion. Trust that he will lead me if I will follow, and he never goes the wrong way. If I can remember his faithfulness, and commit my heart to trust him, that Anxious hasn't got a snowflake's chance in hell.

I need to remember. I need to trust.  Those things that hover threateningly? God is not surprised or frightened by them.  He's pretty big, you know, bigger than any ill wind or night terror. So if I am with him, hiding out under that big arm, holding that big hand, I don't need to worry about a thing.

I really can be anxious for nothing. I just need to remember the truth and trust it... He has always, always, always been faithful.

I love him, and oh man, I KNOW he loves me.  He is such a good God.


Thursday, January 19, 2012

"Gallery" Day

Hello there!
I've been a little busy and am not thinking too deeply this week. I thought I'd share some of my latest artworks with you instead.

Dalhart Sunrise - Chalk pastel
The portraits are particularly fun to do. It's easy for me to understand that every face holds the Imago Dei because each one is so beautiful and unique.
"Vera" - Chalk pastel

"Grace" - Chalk Pastel
I just realized that there is a lot of pink in these paintings-- oh well. That's what you get with sunrise and little girls!
(In case you're wondering about the background change, I got a little bored. There's nothing like a random and out of place backdrop to get you thinking... Just call it "My Lime Green Putt".)

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Lessons

I woke up one morning in the summer of 2008 with an itchy stomach. To my great dismay, I had five or six small bites decorating my midsection. Very itchy. Very disturbing.

The next day, I had more bites and a little streak of blood on the sheets around my ankle. More disturbing.

Bed bugs? I tore apart my room to no avail. I made a homeopathic concoction to spray on my sheets and carpet to ward them off. This did not work. By night three I was barely sleeping. Even when I wasn't getting bitten, phantom bugs crawled over my legs. I tried sleeping on an air mattress in another room, hoping that the crawlies couldn't find me as easily. This also did not work.

My friend and I lived in a ratty two bedroom, attic apartment. She didn't seem to be getting bitten as often as I was. Say, a ratio of 5:1.  Apparently whatever was feasting on me had particular tastes.

Meanwhile, my life was continuing busily along. I did not have time or money to deal with the infestation, but it didn't seem to care very much about my schedule. The added stress and sleeplessness just made life harder and more uncomfortable.

After about a week, I finally caught one of the cheeky little suckers. It was not a bed bug. Smaller, grey, vaguely menacing, but not a bed bug. After a little internet research, I had a hunch that this little pest was a bird mite.

There are a lot of horrific bird mite traumas on the web. They are not worth looking at if you're facing an infestation. But they did help me realize that tea tree oil and lavender water were probably not going to be enough.  They also resolved the mysterious ratio problem. Evidently, bird mites choose a "host" and visit them most often. Never had I wanted to be more inhospitable. My roommate and I agreed that an exterminator would be necessary.

All of this was extremely inconvenient and disruptive. I was working two jobs and trying to launch my ever struggling art business. I had very little margin for this problem. "Thank God in all circumstances..." He couldn't possibly mean this situation.

We called Orkin, and a few days later Mike the Orkin Man showed up at the apartment, armed with his tools of pest destruction. Waiting on workmen is a patience builder for me. The window of time is the real problem: "We'll be there somewhere between 8am and 1pm.", and then they show up at 1:15pm.

But he finally arrived: Yes, Bird mites are the problem. They are coming in from the fire escape. Pigeons roosting under the eaves. The landlord needs to get rid of them. I'll spray around the baseboards since bird mites only crawl...

And then he stopped in front of one of my paintings.
"That's beautiful,"he said.
"Thanks," I said, "I painted it."
"Agape" --pastel on paper
"You're an artist?"
"Yes, well, trying to be, anyway..."
"Is is for sale?"
"Yes, but the original is a little pricey. It took me a long time. I have a lot of prints of it, same size."
"No, no. I want the original. Can we work out a payment plan?"

I think I went into a mild shock.  Then he told me about his wife, how she had gotten Hep C from a blood transfusion and was very ill. He shared that he loved growing orchids and used to be a wine merchant but it didn't make enough money. He told me he just felt drawn to this painting in an incredible way and thought his wife would love it too.

I was thinking, 'Are we looking at the same picture? I mean, it's nice and all, but I'm don't get this rapture your expressing.' But I was forgetting an important fact. This painting came from a mental image that God had given me in a prayer. We are the jars, many sizes and shapes, and his love rains down over us and into us until it overflows. The title is"Agape", pronounced  /əˈɡɑːp/.  It's a Greek word for love, but not just any kind of love. It's the word for God's love for us: divine, sacrificial, never-ending, and unconditional. He loves us so desperately, would spare no expense. Perhaps that was what Mike the Orkin Man was experiencing. I don't know if he even believed in God, but clearly God wanted to speak to him.

He rid of us bird mites and bought the painting. I sent along a little card explaining its origins and the transaction was done. I never heard from him again.

But now I believe that the reason for this painting's creation was Mike the Orkin Man and his sick wife, and any other person who is captivated by more than what is drawn on the paper.
"The God who made the world and everything in it, being Lord of heaven and earth, does not live in temples made by man, nor is he served by human hands, as though he needed anything, since he himself gives to all mankind life and breath and everything.  And he made from one man every nation of mankind to live on all the face of the earth, having determined allotted periods and the boundaries of their dwelling place, that they should seek God, and perhaps feel their way toward him and find him. Yet he is actually not far from each one of us." Acts 17:24-27
I see now that the bird mites, though a scourge of the earth, were the only way that I was going to meet Mike the Orkin Man. Although they were awful, God used them to bless us.

I really love the way He works things out. I was a starving artist. How normal is it that a workman would come into my house and buy an expensive painting when I was in need of financial assistance? The seed of this painting had been planted in my mind years before. And I had painted it for this unknown couple, a hurting husband-caretaker and his suffering wife. They must have really needed a dose of Agape love. At the right time, in the right dwelling place, he brought us together to make a blessing.

It was a good lesson. Thank God for the bird mites. Thank God for the disruption of our plans. Thank God when things seem to go terribly wrong. Thank God for inconvenience that interrupts our lives. And look for Him to show us what we need to see. He withholds no good thing from us.