Hold Sway or Be Swayed

I had a plan for my day. It included writing this blog, updating my website and working on a painting.  But while I was making breakfast, I opened an email asking if I could deliver a painting in the next hour.  A client was at an appointment in the north (meaning north of her home) and since she was so close, could I meet up for the transaction?

What did I do? Did I feign missing the email, belatedly apologizing and asking if we could reschedule a time that was more convenient for me? Did I say that I needed more notice?

Nope.

I choked down my breakfast, dressed hurriedly and hopped in the car to trek 45 minutes south to the "convenient" location.

On the way I started reflecting on my behavior. Why did I drop all my plans to meet with this retired grandmother at her convenience while greatly inconveniencing myself?

Because of Sway.

She holds Sway, and I sway. In this instance, the sway is a paycheck. My business is struggling to stay afloat, and I can't pass up the chance at finally getting paid.  My swaying is pure, mercenary survival.

But I realized that I sway a lot.  I've swayed into apologies even when the other party was in error because there was no other way to restore the peace.  I've swayed into silencing my opinion in the face of strong personalities in order to maintain the relationship. I've swayed into uncomfortable commitments for fear of disappointing a community leader. Even the state of my struggling business, isn't it the result of swaying into unpaid invoices for the sake of maintaining friendships?

It occurred to me that maybe our world is full of these Sway Holders and Swayers. The "Holders" have the power of personality and charisma, they run the show. Political parties, families, social gatherings are determined by their dynamism and ideas. But bring two such "Holders" in a room together, and civil war may ensue. So the "Swayers" act as buffers between them. They provide the cushion of a following and keep the peace.

It's too simplistic a formula, of course.  I think most of us have both tendencies in our nature,  neither one  is all good or all bad, and our positions of hold or sway are largely situational. But beware falling too much in one camp.

Those who always dominate and require their own way, who keep people waiting and break rules when it benefits them, who never give-in and never admit fault have an unbearable weakness of pride and selfishness. They are more tolerated than loved. And those of us who sway into being overly accommodating reveal an unhealthy dependence on pleasing others. We can be bitter, resentful, passive aggressive and insincere.

All of this was a heart-check on the way to this morning's  meeting. The insincerity of my behavior bothered me most.  In my actions, I appeared gracious, kind and giving, but my heart was spewing resentment and private indignation.

I have a lot to learn about when to sway and when to hold fast.