Who is to blame?

I watch a lot of documentaries. I inherited this habit from my dad. In a recent phone conversation, I interrupted his viewing of a documentary on Machu Picchu, which coincidentally, I had watched the previous week. Our conversation about ancient, mountain-top drainage systems makes me laugh. This apple fell right under the paternal tree.

Documentaries are like visual thesis papers. They present facts, tell an historic tale and try to persuade the audience to accept a point of view. (All of this sounds about as exciting as a tooth extraction, I'm sure...)

In honor of Memorial Day,  our PBS station aired a documentary about a bloody battle during the Korean War.  It's called "Hold at All Costs", and they interview men and women from both sides of the battle. The overall picture of what happened is straightforward and devastating.

The end of the documentary gives the reasons for why it happened, why so many had to die, why fighting was right and good and necessary. This is the part where history ends and persuasion begins.

It made me curious about the Korean War. What were they fighting over? In the documentary, U.N. forces were protecting the weak South Koreans. In Chinese histories, the reason for helping North Korea was to prevent the American Imperialists from threatening their homes and way of life. Both sides place themselves in the right, both vilify the opposition. Which one is telling the truth? With so many casualties, so much horror, who is to blame?

My husband and I watched "Inside Job" this weekend. It's a whistle-blower documentary about Wall Street corruption. A few weeks ago we saw "Food, Inc.", which highlights the nastiness of our current food industry. The rallying cry is to press the government for financial regulation and eat organic food! Save the planet and the common man!

I suppose the underlying theme of these films is that the world is a mess, and (point the finger) is to blame, so fight back!  They can really raise my righteous ire with a mental: 'How dare THEY do THAT!'

This is the danger of documentaries for me.  I get busy looking at what everyone else is doing wrong.

I don't doubt that Wall Street is corrupt, or that the food industry is greedy and hurtful to our nation. I don't doubt that on both sides of war their are people doing evil things with poor motives. That is not the issue.

The issue is, given the choice, power, position, would I do any better? I hope so, but I do not know so. We are so good at justifying our behavior and trusting our own hearts. Even in confessing wrong-doing, I try to soften the edges of my own infamy.  I have so many good excuses that a prosecuting attorney would sympathize with my plight.

We prefer to think of ourselves as basically good people, born good, with good intentions. But any mother will tell you how difficult it is to train a child to do right, to live unselfishly. Our hearts are deceptive above all things.  I know when injustice is happening to me or to someone else, but I do not readily see when I am unjust. I do not want to see the corruption of my own heart. I like to be associated with the victim and not the oppressor.

Perhaps the best exercise for me after watching documentaries is to turn the lens on myself, and with the help of God, uncover the malignancies in my own character. Because it's so easy to blame, so easy to vindicate self and overlook personal culpability...

Lord help me see what I do not like to see. Be merciful to me, a sinner.