The Most Beautiful Time

City Park at Sunset,
taken by Mallory Moran

There is a certain angle of the sun which vividly reveals the splendor of the world to me. As the sun sets, the richness of color and shadow and painted sky transform everything around me. (I suppose it happens in the morning too, but I'm rarely awake to enjoy it.)

The world is washed with a light that is more golden than white. Even the factory and refinery near our home become beautiful at this time of day.  I absolutely love it.

There are times when I have been stalled in traffic, irritable and tired, and then I see the light spreading across the buildings, or dappling the ground under a boulevard of trees. Something in me lightens too, and I am filled with appreciation.

Last evening, I walked down a busy street, strewn with trash and speeding cars, and the light lifted my head to see an amazing sky set off by the autumn leaves. It made me smile involuntarily. So very beautiful. It is my favorite time of day.

It never gets old.  I've come to realize that this appreciation is directed at God, who makes such beautiful moments. It is worship-- a response to yet another of the good and perfect gifts that he lavishes on me.

It's pretty amazing when I think about it. Here I am, head down, rushing someplace or doing something, and then he opens my eyes to see this beauty around me. He breaks into my rapid thoughts and pace and gives me the gift of colorful light. My world is paused for while, and I connect with him in the midst of "to-do" lists and urgent demands.

He loves me through beauty. I am filled with joy, and the joy is worship turned back to him, and I enjoy the worship because worship is full of joy... and well, I realize that this is the sweetness of having God as papa.

He tells us in his Word that we are rejoice in him always, and we think of worship as a duty and "right" behavior.  What we don't realize is that he knows we are really made for it, and that when we worship, we are filled with joy. It is communion with him. Love that flows back and forth, originating from him and reverberating back from us. I am so alive in those beautiful times, so full of thanksgiving.

Part of the beauty of the moment is that nothing has changed in my circumstances. I am still in traffic, still on a dirty street. I still have to return to the mess of a difficult relationship or financial worry. Nothing has changed except my heart awareness.  My soul is made lighter in communion with God, regardless of the life struggle.  Some folks would say it's "transcending" above circumstances, but I think it's more of a reality check than transcendence. He stops my stream of busyness to remind me of who he is, who I am, and what is really important.

I've been told before that I see things differently than other people. True. Perhaps that is why I am an artist instead of an engineer.  But that makes these moments even more sweet to me. God shares intimacy with me in the way that fits me best.  That is yet another wonderful part about having God as papa. He knows what will resonate with me.

It will be different for another of His children. Maybe it will be the face of one's child, the sound of laughter or fine music, perhaps the elegance of a mathematical equation, or the perfect structure of a cell that brings a person to appreciative, thankful worship.  It is not the same for you and me. We have an amazing, singularly attentive Father God.

I am curious to know what brings you to the place of joy and gratitude. I hope you experience it often.  May the eyes of your heart be opened to the intimate gifts God is giving you today.

It is so sweet to enjoy the Lord. Come, let us adore him, Christ the Lord!

Blinders and Fire Fights

Sometimes discovering my inconsistencies can be pretty funny. Recently, I was browsing a Fitness magazine while munching some extremely greasy potato chips. I had paged half-way through before realizing the irony of my situation. My next step will be to sit down with a large, cheese-lover's pizza and take in a work-out video.


Blind spots. We all have them. It's the big piece of wood lodged in our eye that we don't see when judging the behavior of others.  It's the camel we are have let through while straining out the gnats (Mt. 23:24).

One time in college, I was arguing with a friend and he finally said in exasperation, "You are so contentious!" Of course my immediate, non-contentious rejoinder was, "No, I'm not!" Hee hee hee.

And then I went home for a holiday and realized that my entire family seemed to communicate through arguing-- not knock-down-drag-out fights per se, but as my mom puts it "argy-bargy"conversation. Everyone had a dissenting opinion, everyone was right, and everyone was willing to fight to death to prove it. After being in a non-contentious environment at school, I found it exhausting.

I realized that indeed, I was contentious: exhibiting an often perverse and wearisome tendency to quarrels and disputes.  I worked hard to mitigate that behavior and thought I had kicked the habit, until my husband (then boyfriend) and I met up with my brother for the first time.  My husband was extremely confused. He had no idea why my brother and I were fighting at the dinner table. I was also confused because I thought the night had gone rather well. Yet again, contention reared it's ugly, little head. More work to do.

Discovery of this blind spot had a domino effect.  My contentious tendency revealed a need to be right all the time: pride and insecurity. It revealed a quick temper: lack of self-control.  My quarrelsome behavior showed me that I can be domineering and bite with words. It revealed an inability to listen well to others, to understand their point of view. It revealed an inability to be vulnerable in relationship: fear.

As far as I can tell, none of these things have made the "fruits of the Spirit" list. Shoot.

As Christians, our main goal in life has been described as "to glorify God and enjoy him forever." We often sing about wanting to know God better. The unintended consequence of this knowing is that we see ourselves more clearly. Next to God, we are not so great, not even a very good. In fact we are in deep trouble. Every Biblical encounter with God's glory leaves a person flat on the ground, babbling incoherently that he is going to die because of his sinfulness. Blind spots revealed!!

We are charged with goals: to be like Christ, to be light, to be ambassadors of heaven. Tim Keller says that the Christian life is about constantly putting out the small fires of hell that show up in our hearts. The difficulty is that on our own, we cannot accomplish these things.

Mercifully, God has sent a counsellor to help us, and if we are willing, the painful transformation begins. The Holy Spirit comes in with his tools and starts to work on us. Humility enters from below to show us who we are, and pride begins to wither. Conviction stabs our hearts and we are moved towards repentance. Love woos us out of fear and self-protection. Assurance asks to override anxiety. Our desires begin to change, and those impossible tasks of being like Christ and putting out hell fires become possible.

Contentious behavior was a huge, relationship-breaking blind spot in me. With the safe critique of a friend, I was able to see it more clearly and allow God to change me. I still get into debates on occasion, but I'm learning to let some things go. 

These fires will continue to pop up in my life. When one area of blindness is finally seen and dealt with, the Spirit shows me another one. We are constantly dousing flames... resentment and unforgiveness, gossip, controlling others, pride- again and again and again... (some fires take a long time to extinguish).

This process of transformation makes grace very personal and real to me. It also reminds me that everyone is in this blind-spot revealing process and in need of grace as well.

I suppose you can disagree with me if you like, but do you really want to argue about it? ;)

 "Let those of us who are mature think this way, and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal that also to you."

 Philippians 3:15

(I'm being a little cheeky with this verse, but if you look it up, it fits pretty well...)