Blind spots. We all have them. It's the big piece of wood lodged in our eye that we don't see when judging the behavior of others. It's the camel we are have let through while straining out the gnats (Mt. 23:24).
One time in college, I was arguing with a friend and he finally said in exasperation, "You are so contentious!" Of course my immediate, non-contentious rejoinder was, "No, I'm not!" Hee hee hee.
And then I went home for a holiday and realized that my entire family seemed to communicate through arguing-- not knock-down-drag-out fights per se, but as my mom puts it "argy-bargy"conversation. Everyone had a dissenting opinion, everyone was right, and everyone was willing to fight to death to prove it. After being in a non-contentious environment at school, I found it exhausting.
I realized that indeed, I was contentious: exhibiting an often perverse and wearisome tendency to quarrels and disputes. I worked hard to mitigate that behavior and thought I had kicked the habit, until my husband (then boyfriend) and I met up with my brother for the first time. My husband was extremely confused. He had no idea why my brother and I were fighting at the dinner table. I was also confused because I thought the night had gone rather well. Yet again, contention reared it's ugly, little head. More work to do.
Discovery of this blind spot had a domino effect. My contentious tendency revealed a need to be right all the time: pride and insecurity. It revealed a quick temper: lack of self-control. My quarrelsome behavior showed me that I can be domineering and bite with words. It revealed an inability to listen well to others, to understand their point of view. It revealed an inability to be vulnerable in relationship: fear.
As far as I can tell, none of these things have made the "fruits of the Spirit" list. Shoot.
As Christians, our main goal in life has been described as "to glorify God and enjoy him forever." We often sing about wanting to know God better. The unintended consequence of this knowing is that we see ourselves more clearly. Next to God, we are not so great, not even a very good. In fact we are in deep trouble. Every Biblical encounter with God's glory leaves a person flat on the ground, babbling incoherently that he is going to die because of his sinfulness. Blind spots revealed!!
We are charged with goals: to be like Christ, to be light, to be ambassadors of heaven. Tim Keller says that the Christian life is about constantly putting out the small fires of hell that show up in our hearts. The difficulty is that on our own, we cannot accomplish these things.
Mercifully, God has sent a counsellor to help us, and if we are willing, the painful transformation begins. The Holy Spirit comes in with his tools and starts to work on us. Humility enters from below to show us who we are, and pride begins to wither. Conviction stabs our hearts and we are moved towards repentance. Love woos us out of fear and self-protection. Assurance asks to override anxiety. Our desires begin to change, and those impossible tasks of being like Christ and putting out hell fires become possible.
Contentious behavior was a huge, relationship-breaking blind spot in me. With the safe critique of a friend, I was able to see it more clearly and allow God to change me. I still get into debates on occasion, but I'm learning to let some things go.
These fires will continue to pop up in my life. When one area of blindness is finally seen and dealt with, the Spirit shows me another one. We are constantly dousing flames... resentment and unforgiveness, gossip, controlling others, pride- again and again and again... (some fires take a long time to extinguish).
This process of transformation makes grace very personal and real to me. It also reminds me that everyone is in this blind-spot revealing process and in need of grace as well.
I suppose you can disagree with me if you like, but do you really want to argue about it? ;)
"Let those of us who are mature think this way, and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal that also to you."
Philippians 3:15
(I'm being a little cheeky with this verse, but if you look it up, it fits pretty well...)
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