"Gallery" Day

Hello there!
I've been a little busy and am not thinking too deeply this week. I thought I'd share some of my latest artworks with you instead.

Dalhart Sunrise - Chalk pastel

The portraits are particularly fun to do. It's easy for me to understand that every face holds the Imago Dei because each one is so beautiful and unique.

"Vera" - Chalk pastel

"Grace" - Chalk Pastel

I just realized that there is a lot of pink in these paintings-- oh well. That's what you get with sunrise and little girls!
(In case you're wondering about the background change, I got a little bored. There's nothing like a random and out of place backdrop to get you thinking... Just call it "My Lime Green Putt".)

Lessons

I woke up one morning in the summer of 2008 with an itchy stomach. To my great dismay, I had five or six small bites decorating my midsection. Very itchy. Very disturbing.

The next day, I had more bites and a little streak of blood on the sheets around my ankle. More disturbing.

Bed bugs? I tore apart my room to no avail. I made a homeopathic concoction to spray on my sheets and carpet to ward them off. This did not work. By night three I was barely sleeping. Even when I wasn't getting bitten, phantom bugs crawled over my legs. I tried sleeping on an air mattress in another room, hoping that the crawlies couldn't find me as easily. This also did not work.

My friend and I lived in a ratty two bedroom, attic apartment. She didn't seem to be getting bitten as often as I was. Say, a ratio of 5:1.  Apparently whatever was feasting on me had particular tastes.

Meanwhile, my life was continuing busily along. I did not have time or money to deal with the infestation, but it didn't seem to care very much about my schedule. The added stress and sleeplessness just made life harder and more uncomfortable.

After about a week, I finally caught one of the cheeky little suckers. It was not a bed bug. Smaller, grey, vaguely menacing, but not a bed bug. After a little internet research, I had a hunch that this little pest was a bird mite.

There are a lot of horrific bird mite traumas on the web. They are not worth looking at if you're facing an infestation. But they did help me realize that tea tree oil and lavender water were probably not going to be enough.  They also resolved the mysterious ratio problem. Evidently, bird mites choose a "host" and visit them most often. Never had I wanted to be more inhospitable. My roommate and I agreed that an exterminator would be necessary.

All of this was extremely inconvenient and disruptive. I was working two jobs and trying to launch my ever struggling art business. I had very little margin for this problem. "Thank God in all circumstances..." He couldn't possibly mean this situation.

We called Orkin, and a few days later Mike the Orkin Man showed up at the apartment, armed with his tools of pest destruction. Waiting on workmen is a patience builder for me. The window of time is the real problem: "We'll be there somewhere between 8am and 1pm.", and then they show up at 1:15pm.

But he finally arrived: Yes, Bird mites are the problem. They are coming in from the fire escape. Pigeons roosting under the eaves. The landlord needs to get rid of them. I'll spray around the baseboards since bird mites only crawl...

And then he stopped in front of one of my paintings.
"That's beautiful,"he said.
"Thanks," I said, "I painted it."

"Agape" --pastel on paper

"You're an artist?"
"Yes, well, trying to be, anyway..."
"Is is for sale?"
"Yes, but the original is a little pricey. It took me a long time. I have a lot of prints of it, same size."
"No, no. I want the original. Can we work out a payment plan?"

I think I went into a mild shock.  Then he told me about his wife, how she had gotten Hep C from a blood transfusion and was very ill. He shared that he loved growing orchids and used to be a wine merchant but it didn't make enough money. He told me he just felt drawn to this painting in an incredible way and thought his wife would love it too.

I was thinking, 'Are we looking at the same picture? I mean, it's nice and all, but I'm don't get this rapture your expressing.' But I was forgetting an important fact. This painting came from a mental image that God had given me in a prayer. We are the jars, many sizes and shapes, and his love rains down over us and into us until it overflows. The title is"Agape", pronounced  /əˈɡɑːpeɪ/.  It's a Greek word for love, but not just any kind of love. It's the word for God's love for us: divine, sacrificial, never-ending, and unconditional. He loves us so desperately, would spare no expense. Perhaps that was what Mike the Orkin Man was experiencing. I don't know if he even believed in God, but clearly God wanted to speak to him.

He rid of us bird mites and bought the painting. I sent along a little card explaining its origins and the transaction was done. I never heard from him again.

But now I believe that the reason for this painting's creation was Mike the Orkin Man and his sick wife, and any other person who is captivated by more than what is drawn on the paper.

"The God who made the world and everything in it, being Lord of heaven and earth, does not live in temples made by man, nor is he served by human hands, as though he needed anything, since he himself gives to all mankind life and breath and everything.  And he made from one man every nation of mankind to live on all the face of the earth, having determined allotted periods and the boundaries of their dwelling place, that they should seek God, and perhaps feel their way toward him and find him. Yet he is actually not far from each one of us." Acts 17:24-27

I see now that the bird mites, though a scourge of the earth, were the only way that I was going to meet Mike the Orkin Man. Although they were awful, God used them to bless us.

I really love the way He works things out. I was a starving artist. How normal is it that a workman would come into my house and buy an expensive painting when I was in need of financial assistance? The seed of this painting had been planted in my mind years before. And I had painted it for this unknown couple, a hurting husband-caretaker and his suffering wife. They must have really needed a dose of Agape love. At the right time, in the right dwelling place, he brought us together to make a blessing.

It was a good lesson. Thank God for the bird mites. Thank God for the disruption of our plans. Thank God when things seem to go terribly wrong. Thank God for inconvenience that interrupts our lives. And look for Him to show us what we need to see. He withholds no good thing from us.

Evangelion: A Meditation for Advent

A Peruvian Nativity

Come.
Please God, come to us.
We are enslaved in darkness, full of mourning in a world that suffers. We are helpless captives until you come to save us.

"Those who walked in darkness have seen a great light; those who dwelt in a land of deep darkness, on them has light shined." Isaiah 9:2

Little village of Bethlehem, while you sleep under a starry sky, a light shines into your darkness and the darkness cannot overcome it. In you, Bethlehem, the hope and fear of every century meet tonight.

This starry night is set apart from every other, for this is the night when God comes to save us. Long has this world yearned for an end to our dark estrangement, and now He appears, born to rescue us.
Suddenly Lord, we understand how deeply you value us.

"For to us a child is born, to us a son is given..." Isaiah 9:6

We are filled with hope, and even the rocks cry out in thanksgiving. A new, glorious day is dawning and the world will never be the same.  Fall on your knees and worship with the angels, for this is a Holy night! This is the night when your Savior is born.

Who is this child, lying asleep in Mary's lap? Angels have burst open the sky to usher you in, telling lowly shepherds to guard you. Why are you born in such a humble place, where cattle come to feed? You have emptied yourself totally, positioning yourself on the bottom so that you may lift every soul.

"He had no form or majesty that we should look at him, and no beauty that we should desire him." Isaiah 53:2

Listen! The silent Word is pleading for us to come to Him. He will be pierced by nails and spear. His blood will be shed so that we may live. Worship the Word made flesh, this baby born to Mary.

"Surely he has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows; yet we esteemed him stricken by God and afflicted. But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed." Isaiah 53: 4-5

Your body is laid in a dark tomb, the Light of the world slain by darkness. But death cannot hold you, and bursting forth on Glory day, you defeat the grave to set us free. In your victory, sin has lost it's grip on us, for you have bought us with your blood.

"When his soul makes an offering for guilt, he shall see his offspring; he shall prolong his days; the will of the Lord shall prosper in his hand. Out of the anguish of his soul, he shall see light and be satisfied; by his knowledge shall the righteous one, my servant, make many to be accounted righteous, and he shall bear their iniquities." Isaiah 53: 10-11

In truth, You teach us to love one another. Your law is love and your message is peace. You will break every chain and set the captives free. Where You are lifted up in spirit and in truth, all oppression must end.

"The government will be upon his shoulder,  and his name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. Of the increase of his government and of peace there will be no end, on the throne of David and over his kingdom, to establish and uphold it with justice and with righteousness from this time forth and forevermore. The zeal of the LORD of hosts will do this!" Isaiah 9:4-7

Let us raise our voices to sing for joy. Let us praise his name with all our hearts. Christ is the Lord! Proclaim his power and glory forevermore!
Where humble hearts receive him, He will still enter in. O come, let us adore Him!

"But to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God." John 1:12-13

"In the world you will have trouble. But take heart; I have overcome the world." John 16:33

O Holy Night. 

This night changes everything.

 Evangelion.

(the good news)

Based on: "O Come, O Come Emmanuel"

"O Little Town of Bethlehem"

"O Holy Night"

"What Child is This?"

"In Christ Alone"

"O Come, All Ye Faithful"

Unlikely Disciples

Last sunday, I watched a "60 Minutes" interview of the estranged Madoff family. At one point, the interviewer wonders aloud, did Bernie 'go bad'? When did honest business become corruption?

Rarely does a person begin with crime in mind. It usually starts with a subtle shift. A suggestion is made, a step off the path is taken. The slope down appears minor, even if covered with loose gravel. After a short time, he is slipping farther and faster, no longer in control of his world, unable to get out. He's trapped in a hell of his own devising. It has gotten too big to manage. It now manages him.

I think sin is always this way: cumulative, self-inflicted, destructive and enslaving. One sin always seems to lead to another, more extreme sin. Deceit demands greater deceit. Addiction requires more drug to appease. Unforgiveness eats our hearts to hollowness. Concern for one wrinkle grows into costly surgery. Sin always asks for more, then demands more, and then takes more.

But there is no excuse for it. Every instance of sin is chosen. It's an act of will. Madoff chose to do this thing. He bought in to the lie. (Every sin begins with a lie, usually along these lines: 'this sin will bring  satisfaction or fulfillment'. I can't think of an instance where this is not the case.) He deserves what he is getting, maybe worse.

Here's a crazy thing, though. I think that if Jesus met Bernie Madoff, he would ask him to be a disciple. I know, outrageous. But let me tell you about another man.

His name is Levi and he lived in the land of Judah during Roman occupation. Levi decides to be a tax collector for the Romans, a move that automatically makes him a traitor to his own, beleaguered people. Why does he do it? Perhaps it's the lure of financial security.

At first, he just does his job collecting tax, but then it's so easy to take just a little more. His conscience bothers him, but he explains it away. Such a small amount, really nothing to be upset about. Yet with every tax, he demands a little more.

And every time something in him says it's not right, but the thrill of the take, the lure of extra cash keeps him coming back to it again. By the time Jesus comes around, Levi is a full-fledged tax-collector, very wealthy, very trapped, and hated by his countrymen. He is a thief. A traitorous crook. Everyone knows and despises him.
And then he has this encounter with Jesus:

  After this he went out and saw a tax collector named Levi, sitting at the tax booth. And he said to him, "Follow me." And leaving everything, he rose and followed him.

 And Levi made him a great feast in his house, and there was a large company of tax collectors and others reclining at table with them. And the Pharisees and their scribes grumbled at his disciples, saying, "Why do you eat and drink with tax collectors and sinners?" And Jesus answered them, "Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick.  I have not come to call the righteous but sinners to repentance." Luke 5:27-32

I think Levi was desperate to get out of his self-created hell. When Jesus comes to him, Levi walks off the job, 'leaving everything.' He throws Jesus a huge party and invites the other desperate ones so that they too can experience freedom from their wretchedness. I think the sweetest part of this story is that Jesus approaches Levi while he is in the act of swindling. Jesus comes right up to the tax booth. 

Of course the key to Levi's freedom is in the last word of the verses. Repentance is at the root of becoming a follower of Jesus. It's a new path which involves restitution, sacrifice and amends. But it's also a path of forgiveness and freedom. And I think that Jesus would ask the same thing of Bernie Madoff, offer the same forgiveness and freedom. 

We know Levi by another name: Matthew, the author of the first gospel in the New Testament. He really did leave everything and follow Jesus. It is said that he died, possibly a martyr, in Ethiopia, as a very different, beloved church father.

It's that crazy thing called GRACE at work again.

The Most Beautiful Time

City Park at Sunset,
taken by Mallory Moran

There is a certain angle of the sun which vividly reveals the splendor of the world to me. As the sun sets, the richness of color and shadow and painted sky transform everything around me. (I suppose it happens in the morning too, but I'm rarely awake to enjoy it.)

The world is washed with a light that is more golden than white. Even the factory and refinery near our home become beautiful at this time of day.  I absolutely love it.

There are times when I have been stalled in traffic, irritable and tired, and then I see the light spreading across the buildings, or dappling the ground under a boulevard of trees. Something in me lightens too, and I am filled with appreciation.

Last evening, I walked down a busy street, strewn with trash and speeding cars, and the light lifted my head to see an amazing sky set off by the autumn leaves. It made me smile involuntarily. So very beautiful. It is my favorite time of day.

It never gets old.  I've come to realize that this appreciation is directed at God, who makes such beautiful moments. It is worship-- a response to yet another of the good and perfect gifts that he lavishes on me.

It's pretty amazing when I think about it. Here I am, head down, rushing someplace or doing something, and then he opens my eyes to see this beauty around me. He breaks into my rapid thoughts and pace and gives me the gift of colorful light. My world is paused for while, and I connect with him in the midst of "to-do" lists and urgent demands.

He loves me through beauty. I am filled with joy, and the joy is worship turned back to him, and I enjoy the worship because worship is full of joy... and well, I realize that this is the sweetness of having God as papa.

He tells us in his Word that we are rejoice in him always, and we think of worship as a duty and "right" behavior.  What we don't realize is that he knows we are really made for it, and that when we worship, we are filled with joy. It is communion with him. Love that flows back and forth, originating from him and reverberating back from us. I am so alive in those beautiful times, so full of thanksgiving.

Part of the beauty of the moment is that nothing has changed in my circumstances. I am still in traffic, still on a dirty street. I still have to return to the mess of a difficult relationship or financial worry. Nothing has changed except my heart awareness.  My soul is made lighter in communion with God, regardless of the life struggle.  Some folks would say it's "transcending" above circumstances, but I think it's more of a reality check than transcendence. He stops my stream of busyness to remind me of who he is, who I am, and what is really important.

I've been told before that I see things differently than other people. True. Perhaps that is why I am an artist instead of an engineer.  But that makes these moments even more sweet to me. God shares intimacy with me in the way that fits me best.  That is yet another wonderful part about having God as papa. He knows what will resonate with me.

It will be different for another of His children. Maybe it will be the face of one's child, the sound of laughter or fine music, perhaps the elegance of a mathematical equation, or the perfect structure of a cell that brings a person to appreciative, thankful worship.  It is not the same for you and me. We have an amazing, singularly attentive Father God.

I am curious to know what brings you to the place of joy and gratitude. I hope you experience it often.  May the eyes of your heart be opened to the intimate gifts God is giving you today.

It is so sweet to enjoy the Lord. Come, let us adore him, Christ the Lord!

Blinders and Fire Fights

Sometimes discovering my inconsistencies can be pretty funny. Recently, I was browsing a Fitness magazine while munching some extremely greasy potato chips. I had paged half-way through before realizing the irony of my situation. My next step will be to sit down with a large, cheese-lover's pizza and take in a work-out video.


Blind spots. We all have them. It's the big piece of wood lodged in our eye that we don't see when judging the behavior of others.  It's the camel we are have let through while straining out the gnats (Mt. 23:24).

One time in college, I was arguing with a friend and he finally said in exasperation, "You are so contentious!" Of course my immediate, non-contentious rejoinder was, "No, I'm not!" Hee hee hee.

And then I went home for a holiday and realized that my entire family seemed to communicate through arguing-- not knock-down-drag-out fights per se, but as my mom puts it "argy-bargy"conversation. Everyone had a dissenting opinion, everyone was right, and everyone was willing to fight to death to prove it. After being in a non-contentious environment at school, I found it exhausting.

I realized that indeed, I was contentious: exhibiting an often perverse and wearisome tendency to quarrels and disputes.  I worked hard to mitigate that behavior and thought I had kicked the habit, until my husband (then boyfriend) and I met up with my brother for the first time.  My husband was extremely confused. He had no idea why my brother and I were fighting at the dinner table. I was also confused because I thought the night had gone rather well. Yet again, contention reared it's ugly, little head. More work to do.

Discovery of this blind spot had a domino effect.  My contentious tendency revealed a need to be right all the time: pride and insecurity. It revealed a quick temper: lack of self-control.  My quarrelsome behavior showed me that I can be domineering and bite with words. It revealed an inability to listen well to others, to understand their point of view. It revealed an inability to be vulnerable in relationship: fear.

As far as I can tell, none of these things have made the "fruits of the Spirit" list. Shoot.

As Christians, our main goal in life has been described as "to glorify God and enjoy him forever." We often sing about wanting to know God better. The unintended consequence of this knowing is that we see ourselves more clearly. Next to God, we are not so great, not even a very good. In fact we are in deep trouble. Every Biblical encounter with God's glory leaves a person flat on the ground, babbling incoherently that he is going to die because of his sinfulness. Blind spots revealed!!

We are charged with goals: to be like Christ, to be light, to be ambassadors of heaven. Tim Keller says that the Christian life is about constantly putting out the small fires of hell that show up in our hearts. The difficulty is that on our own, we cannot accomplish these things.

Mercifully, God has sent a counsellor to help us, and if we are willing, the painful transformation begins. The Holy Spirit comes in with his tools and starts to work on us. Humility enters from below to show us who we are, and pride begins to wither. Conviction stabs our hearts and we are moved towards repentance. Love woos us out of fear and self-protection. Assurance asks to override anxiety. Our desires begin to change, and those impossible tasks of being like Christ and putting out hell fires become possible.

Contentious behavior was a huge, relationship-breaking blind spot in me. With the safe critique of a friend, I was able to see it more clearly and allow God to change me. I still get into debates on occasion, but I'm learning to let some things go. 

These fires will continue to pop up in my life. When one area of blindness is finally seen and dealt with, the Spirit shows me another one. We are constantly dousing flames... resentment and unforgiveness, gossip, controlling others, pride- again and again and again... (some fires take a long time to extinguish).

This process of transformation makes grace very personal and real to me. It also reminds me that everyone is in this blind-spot revealing process and in need of grace as well.

I suppose you can disagree with me if you like, but do you really want to argue about it? ;)

 "Let those of us who are mature think this way, and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal that also to you."

 Philippians 3:15

(I'm being a little cheeky with this verse, but if you look it up, it fits pretty well...)

The Wounds of Pride

I read this excerpt from Celtic daily prayers and it was really good for me.

"He said, 'Let us pray for those we love.' And that was easy. Then he said, 'Let us pray for those we do not love.' And there rose before my mind three men for whom I had to pray. They were men who have opposed my work. In this they may have been wrong.  But my wrong was in resentment and a feeling of letting myself be cut off from them, and even from praying for them, because of it. Years ago I read a quote from Mary Lyon that recurs to me again and again: 'Nine-tenths of our suffering is caused by others not thinking so much of us as we think they ought.' If you want to know where pride nestles and festers in most of us, that is right where it is; and it is not the opposition of others, but our pride, which causes the deepest hurt. I never read a word that penetrated more deeply into the sin of pride from which all of us suffer, nor one which opens up more surgically our places of unforgiveness."

Samuel Moor Shoemaker, And Thy Neighbor




Can't really add to that. It is a convicting reflection about what offends me and how I respond.